I'd sure hate to break down here.

My goodness, the time does fly. It doesn't seem that long ago that I was curled up on the couch next two two of my best friends, sipping on an extravagantly priced bottle of champagne, waiting for that clock to switch over to 12:00 so we could all head to our seperate rooms, to try and catch some shut eye before the cell phones and alarms started going off with the sunrise. As I lumbered off to my cozy futon, I made only one New Year's resolution. All I wanted was to keep living forward. At the moment the New Year began, I was so incredibly proud of how far I had come. I had bulit a successful business, from the ground up, using my talents, drive, and creativity to make a name for myself. I had become a healthier person, giving up temptations and harmful behaviors, and having respect for my body and myself. I had become a better friend, which led to making some beautiful friendships; real, meaningful friendships. Most of all, I finally accomplished the dream I had been working towards for two full years. I moved out of my cute little apartment behind my parents house, left my safe haven, and ventured out into the world completely on my own.

Driving away from Booth road was the proudest moment of my entire life. It was the moment that I knew I was capable. As I watched the last 20 years of my life flash through my rearview mirror, I realized that I am capable of more than I could ever dream. At THAT moment, I realized something else; I had a choice. I could either give myself a pat on the shoulder for getting as far as I had, and then proceed to getting comfortable with my new life, or I could take that capability and power and run with it, hell-bent on conquering the world. Believe it or not, I did both.

My first month here, I conquered. I made sure I did everything I could to get a job. I was up all night typing resumes, out all day stalking salons, and dropping by every single builing with a "Now Hiring" sign in their storefront. I was steamrolling through life, and I was sure it wouldn't take long for me to come out on top.

However, two months in, I settled into routine. I found myself a good, pleasant, decent paying job. I no longer had to worry about whether I would eat or not. I had my bills paid, my car running, and cute shoes for work. I had the seedlings of a social life, and I was doing everything I could to make those blossom. I was finally getting over my homesickness, and starting to call my paradise home. However, I neglected the thing I cared about most. My career. Now, before everyone starts worrying that I'm some sort of career-obsessed, success-driven robot, let me tell you that I am not a robot. I am career obsessed, and I am success driven. But I definitely have feleings, and skin, which make me very much not a robot. But I was lucky enough to find something I love doing, and I made it my career. Anyone who knows me on a personal level can attest to the fact that, while in my heyday of salon work, I was completely obesessed with my work, I was still a bright personality and maintained a life. I just made sure my work was the focal point. I have absolutely no remorse about that. the fact that I love hairstyling so much is what pushed me to be successful. However, when moving the boxes, and bedding, and extravagant collection of boots, I seemed to have misplaced my love for the craft.

I got comfortable. Comfort may not seem like a downfall to most of my beloved readers, but it certainly is to me. Simply put, if I'm not somehow releasing enegry, I fall into the comfort zone. I need challenges to thrive. If I don't have challenges, right in front of me, I'd much rather snuggle up with a pizza and a new Wes Anderson film, and call it a night. WHich, again, may seem  like no big deal, except I don't really like making my own challenges. So, in other words, if I don't have a looming project right in front of me, simply shouting " conquer me, Tonya!" I'll be quite content to move along with my day to day life. The reason that this is an issue, is because of two irking, but altogether true, facts.
1. My  "comfort life" can get fairly mundane, and I hate being bored.
2. My beloved career? hadn't really found a place in my day to day life.

In conclusion, the year 2010 wrapped up with my surprisingly successful at selling dreams to each bride that walked into my store. Don't get me wrong, I also because thismuch more devoted to my yoga practice, in the odd spare hour I found to myself. I had also completely caught up on Pawn Stars and Amazing Wedding Cakes, I had developed a recipie for a scrumptions Southern Comfort pulled pork, and changed my hair color 5 times. Nothing to really clap myself on the back about, but damnit, I was happy. I was happy going into 2010, and I wasn't going to let anyone tell me I had done wrong.

So here we are, a month into 2011. I can stop double checking the tenses on my verbs, and I can talk about what I've accomplished in the first moth of 2011. I became a top seller in my store, which is something I thought I would never do, since I hate selling things to people. bought myself an outfit that just screams success, and it makes me feel powerful whenever I put it on. I hiked up to the Hollywood sign, a 7 mile feat which I, being the semi-lethargic bookwoorm that I am, NEVER thought I would accomplish, let alone want to do again. I've solidified the relationships I've had, and brought people I love together, to love each other. I rode rollercoasters. I did a good deed, wanting nothing in return but for it to be paid forward. I learned some French. I did my taxes, all by myself, thanks to Turbotax (who should be sponsoring me, all the praises I've been singing). I've kind of, sort of, developed a more consistent yoga/workout routine. I've made time for myself that doesn't involve David Tutera or the cast of Gold Rush Alaska, but instead involves my reflections, and literature, and journaling. I've started the freking biography of Queen Elizabeth! Most importantly, I've looked for new avenues to fall back in love with hair. I'm reaching out to anyone I know, adn making sure I'm the only one touching their hair. I'm using ingenious methods to try and make my name,a dn get myself a job that I will love every day. I'm utilizing resources, and talking to those more experienced, to keep learning. And you know what? It's doing me good. To look back on my month, and be proud of what I've accomplished. To look forawrd to February, and know there's mroe in store for me than a pivotal birthday and a long-anticipated visit. Most of all, to feel that happiness, that pure, inspired, desire to go forth and create beauty, is such a nice feeling. At this moment, I'm not discouraged. I was, for a while. But I've come to realize how many amazing people build up this industry, and it gives me faith that it is indeed what I want to make my life upon.


Many thanks go out to each and every member of the hairbrained.me community. True lifesavers, you guys are. I wish the best to you all.

Sometimes, we need to be wrong.

"...If you want to find out where your true passions lie, stop looking and simply start living everything you do throughout the day with passion and zeal." This excerpt was taken from an article I found whilst Stumbling upon the internet. It's a truly ingenious, reflective article by Marcus Sheridan, a website advisor to businesses. The title of this article, "7 Habits that Will Make You Happier, Heathier, and Way More Likeable", is what drew me in. The logical, list-loving, left brained  inquisitor inside of me started doing cartwheels; a to the point, humorous, potenitially helful guide to life? Could it be true? As a matter of fact, it was. His article addressed points that, while simple in idea, were profound if you actually sat and thought about them. View point number six, from where the opening quote was taken. "Stop trying to find your passion". He may as well have sent this to my email, tagged me in the post, and threw my picture at the top. Thank you, Mr. Sheridan, for so resolutely and unabashedly telling me to get over myself, and my greatness will come.

This isn't to say that I'm not happy, healthy, or way likeable. At the risk of patting myself on the shoulder too hard, I think I've managed to encompass all of those traits. However, I am indeed a human being, and simply cannot thrive in routine day after day. I am CONSTANTLY aspiring for greater things.  I look ahead to the next billboard, roadblock, and left turn. I'm decisive with my future, to the point of being obsessive; always planning how I will succeed, how I will make a name for myself, how I will lay on my deathbed, and look over my life with a glorious biography written for those I leave behind. Finding my passion is my latest hobby. This is even more pronounced by the fact that I'm currently in my "paying the dues" phase- working the dreary, unstimulating 9 to 5, with too many hours and not enough pay, whilst banking every free moment on the web, in the library, or on the town, passing out resumes, making contacts, and generally being a stalker of everyone in my industry. Not doing what I love has turned me into a giant, unstoppable monster of finding something I do love. One second, it's a career in the hair industry (actually, that's just about every second of every day). Another, it's going back to school, getting my English degree, and molding young minds with the works of F. Scott Fitzgerald and Maya Angelou. Another, it's becoming an astute yoga student, or creating culinary masterpieces, or learning French, or running. And the most oddball, astonding realization I've come to is that I love every single one of the new adventures I've taken on. But for some unknown reason, I've still spent coutless moments thinking there's something more, a calling that I'm missing.

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm trying too damn hard.

I am extremely lucky/blessed/fortunante/successful. Whatever you want to call it, however you think it's happened, I have achieved a status in my own life, defined by no one else but me, that I consider success. I have a constantly growing list of people I'm thankful to have in my life, for whatever influence, inspiration, or just good old fun they may bring me. I have a job, which is more than so many can say during these times. I have a cozy, warm home, stocked with good food and better friends, and a big, squishy pillow who's always there after a hard day. I have a personality, style, and presence that seems to affect other people in positive ways, and a brain that just can't stop wanting to learn. I'm healthy, I have all my limbs, and I'm not terminal. I have a voice, and a dream, which is all I need to keep moving forward. All in all, I have a life.  A gently used life, with tons of miles to go, and lots of trunk space for those memories I know I'll be making. I'm young, I'm happy, I have a world ahead of me, a world that wants me to go forth and make a footprint (as long as it isn't of the carbon variety). So I don't need a passion tomorrow. I don't need to tell anyone what I want to do for the rest of my life. Today, I want to do hair/practice yoga/read books/knit/make friends/have babies/write books/study fashion. That's 8 different passsions. And they're all mine, and they will not only fulfill me, they will overflow me. Because it's really as simple as finding passion in the things I do every single day. I can be passionate about taking a shower, if I want. Or watching trashy tv. Or rereading my Pottery Barn catalouge over and over again, and swearing how someday, I'll learn to make that milk bottle chandelier.  As long as I make the mundane events in my life astounding, I won't ever feel unfulfilled. It's the age old statement, which has brought wisdom to so many individuals- Coveting is a sin. Be thankful for what you have. And get over yourself.  :)